I’m not sure if there is some sort of rule or something I don’t know about but my question is this: Why in the world do people wear such ridiculous things to mow their grass?
As I was driving home tonight I saw a man with an eerie resemblance to Will Ferrell mowing his lawn in VERY SHORT cut-off jean shorts. He was sporting a full vest of gnarly man-chest-hair and wearing a hip pack. I almost wrecked my car.
It’s almost as if mowing the lawn gives people the excuse to wear whatever kind of goofy clothes they want. I don’t think that mowing warrants a denim diaper. That can’t even be comfortable. Heaven forbid you cut your grass in normal length shorts.
Amy’s 9 rules for lawn mowing attire:
1. No visible arm-pit holes . The key word here is visible.
2. Wear a bra.
3. Wear something over your bra.
4. No swimming goggles (I’m serious).
5. Don’t rock the high school football jersey from 1992. Dude…let go.
6. No sweatbands…DAD!
7. Alright, I wear sweatbands…sometimes. Alright, and wrist bands. Shut-up.
8. If it feels like your butt-crack is hanging out of your pants…your butt- crack is probably hanging out of your pants. Please pull your pants up.
9. Do not, under any circumstances, wear a Speedo. Unless you are Mathew MaConaughey. And then…you must always wear a Speedo. Everywhere.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
20 days to go!
Wow. I'm getting married in exactly 20 days. I'm going to be a Mrs. in 20 days. I'm pretty happy about the new last name. I could have gotten stuck with something like Amy Bloblaw or Amy Ramsbottom or well, just something not nearly as cool as Hietter (pronounced Heater). Yes, Johnny almost has the exact same name as Napoleon Dynamite.
I'm so excited about the honeymoon. That is, assuming that Jamaica is still there in a couple of weeks. I'm going to try to convince Johnny to go to a nude beach. I don't want us to be nude. I just think it's fascinating that there are places where naked people just walk around like it's no big deal.
The wedding planning is going really well. There have been a couple of disagreements between my mom and me. One particular argument ended with, "Amy, I'm not going to let you have a gypsy-clown wedding". Apparently, she did not like my idea to use feathers and beads in the floral arrangements. Gypsy-clown wasn't really what I was going for. I was also told that I am not allowed to bedazzle anything myself including the invitations.
I would honestly be lost in this whole process without my mom. Really, I would be lost without her in general.
I'm relatively calm. Two or four years ago I would have been a nervous wreck about this. I just am not going to get too worked up. If it rains, fine. If it doesn't, super. If grandpa pees in the parking lot in front of everyone…well, let's just hope he can hold it this time. I'm just happy to be with all of the people that care about me.
It is just one day. A very important day. But in the end all that really matters is that we both say "yes" and that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend…which is pretty cool.
I'm so excited about the honeymoon. That is, assuming that Jamaica is still there in a couple of weeks. I'm going to try to convince Johnny to go to a nude beach. I don't want us to be nude. I just think it's fascinating that there are places where naked people just walk around like it's no big deal.
The wedding planning is going really well. There have been a couple of disagreements between my mom and me. One particular argument ended with, "Amy, I'm not going to let you have a gypsy-clown wedding". Apparently, she did not like my idea to use feathers and beads in the floral arrangements. Gypsy-clown wasn't really what I was going for. I was also told that I am not allowed to bedazzle anything myself including the invitations.
I would honestly be lost in this whole process without my mom. Really, I would be lost without her in general.
I'm relatively calm. Two or four years ago I would have been a nervous wreck about this. I just am not going to get too worked up. If it rains, fine. If it doesn't, super. If grandpa pees in the parking lot in front of everyone…well, let's just hope he can hold it this time. I'm just happy to be with all of the people that care about me.
It is just one day. A very important day. But in the end all that really matters is that we both say "yes" and that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend…which is pretty cool.
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