I’m not sure if there is some sort of rule or something I don’t know about but my question is this: Why in the world do people wear such ridiculous things to mow their grass?
As I was driving home tonight I saw a man with an eerie resemblance to Will Ferrell mowing his lawn in VERY SHORT cut-off jean shorts. He was sporting a full vest of gnarly man-chest-hair and wearing a hip pack. I almost wrecked my car.
It’s almost as if mowing the lawn gives people the excuse to wear whatever kind of goofy clothes they want. I don’t think that mowing warrants a denim diaper. That can’t even be comfortable. Heaven forbid you cut your grass in normal length shorts.
Amy’s 9 rules for lawn mowing attire:
1. No visible arm-pit holes . The key word here is visible.
2. Wear a bra.
3. Wear something over your bra.
4. No swimming goggles (I’m serious).
5. Don’t rock the high school football jersey from 1992. Dude…let go.
6. No sweatbands…DAD!
7. Alright, I wear sweatbands…sometimes. Alright, and wrist bands. Shut-up.
8. If it feels like your butt-crack is hanging out of your pants…your butt- crack is probably hanging out of your pants. Please pull your pants up.
9. Do not, under any circumstances, wear a Speedo. Unless you are Mathew MaConaughey. And then…you must always wear a Speedo. Everywhere.
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