1.Beg Johnny to move the dog-hair magnet a.k.a. the futon out of the living room and out the front door to it's final resting place next to the trash can. Now we have room for the tree.
2. Dig around in scary garage to find the box that contains the fake Christmas tree. I think it's under the old weed-whacker and the mullet wig that SOMEONE refuses to throw away.
3.Unpack tree. Locate bottom half of tree because it was not in the box.
4. Buy new tree because dog drug bottom half of old tree into the backyard and ripped it apart.
5. Assemble new tree.
6. Buy new multi-colored Christmas lights. Apparently I got frustrated and decided to cut the old strands off with scissors last year around February.
7."Now why the hell can't you just put the futon in the back of your big garbage truck and be on your merry way? I have to pay you to haul that nasty thing off?"
8. Decorate tree with the gazillion ornaments I have collected or made including fancy bubble lights, lots of beaded things and every little Elvis ornament, shoe ornament and fish ornament I was able to find on E-bay (It's eclectic).
9. Teach dog that if he touches the tree or the ornaments he will die.
10. Ask Johnny to put the star on top of the tree. Listen to Johnny complain about tree cluttering up the living room. Plug in tree….ahhhhhh…beautiful.
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