Yesterday morning around this same time I walked out my front door ready to take a morning jog. Upon noticing that the temp. was an unseasonably warm 70 degrees I very quickly shed my sweatshirt and bobbed down the street in nothing but a pair of pants and s sports bra.
A mere twelve hours after my half naked out door run, the temperature in Springfield had dropped forty degrees and I ended up standing in a ridiculously long line at the grocery store watching people buy a plethora of canned goods, bottled water and trash bags in preparation for the first "big snow storm" of the winter.
Why does the snow bother me?
1. Meteorologists predict it is supposed to snow…this is not Armageddon people…like all of the sudden if and when snow hits the ground the entire food supply will disappear and in order to sustain during the maybe three days of winter wonderland we will be forced to eat other humans and drink our own urine.
2.I now have to debate on whether or not to drive to the gym with my morning bride-of-Frankenstein hair only to jog on a smelly treadmill…I compare this form of physical activity to that of a hamster or guinea pig running on one of those wheel things. Or I could pull on seventeen layers of clothing and jog my marshmallow man ass down the street and try not to get doused by the slushy wake of every vehicle that drives past me.
3. If and when it does snow…Springfield drivers (some of the worst drivers in the nation) morph into one of two things. A. being the "my-grandma-walks-faster-than-you-drive driver" and B. being the "hi-I'm-Jeff-Gordon-and-I'm-drunk-and-I'm-on-ice" driver.
4. My dog does not do well cooped up inside all day. He reminds me a little of what Robin Williams would be like if he were ADD and smoking crack. So I now need to invest in the largest dog bone in the world and hide all of my shoes.
5. Johnny is off work today. He does not do well cooped up inside. He reminds me a little of what Robin Williams would be like if he were ADD and smoking crack. So I now need to invest in at least five new DVDs, red meat of some sort and hide all of my shoes.
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