The Gillette Sensor for Women is a Toy of Death

I was once told that I was not allowed to play with sharp objects...I was two. Now sometime between two and twenty-five I have managed to turn almost everything I touch into a weapon of destruction.

I have been using Johnny's razors to shave my legs for about two years now. My old razor fell prey to my bedazzlement and subsequently became a mess of moldy hot glue. I figure what is the difference between man razors and women razors?

I go to Wal-Mart (I know it's sick and twisted...but cheap) and I see this statuesque pink and silver razor at the check out line. I buy it, I take it home.

This morning I'm in the shower, singing and soaping and reading the fascinating descriptions of various shampoos and conditioners, the usual. And I whip out this impulse buy, ready to treat my legs to a "smoother, cleaner shave".

Maybe they should change the packaging to say "Call into work late because you are looking for enough Band-Aids to retain the blood caused by multiple puncture wounds to the knee and ankle areas".

Now my legs are all torn up, I'm late, and it looks like slaughter house five just went down in my bathroom. Seriously, little bloody dog footprints all over the place. I am going to use man razors forever!